And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
