I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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