i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
