his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
