Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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