where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
