Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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