This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize