Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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