Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize