Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
