I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
