I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
