Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
