I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
