the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
