please come you make the beer taste better
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
