Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize