I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
