she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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