I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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