The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
