We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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