I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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