I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
