I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel great
I just peed on a car
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
