im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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