It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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