Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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