I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
