You're my little dorito
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
