He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You left your phone here
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