put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
