TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
