my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
