all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
