Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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