I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
