so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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