I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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