So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What a dumb baby whore.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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