She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
