Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
