At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
