I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
only you would photoshop your dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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