Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
