Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
