I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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