no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize