What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize