Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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