hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
