The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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