The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
