On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
