I am puke
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
