i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
