Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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