Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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