Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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