Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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