that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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