The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I supernannyed him into submission
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
