david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He is an equal opportunity slut.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
