This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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