I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
