i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
