I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
